Well I made it to three this morning, but I slept well till then. I would like to say I don’t worry, but apparently my sleep habits say otherwise. Most of the time when I’m like this I am focused and frankly I am also anxious. Maybe there’s some symmetry between the two. Some unholy alliance that sparks creativity and also fear. Used to I’d worry that I didn’t have enough time left to say what I needed say. And while that may have been true in the past, I guess old habits just die hard.
But at the moment my mind is focused elsewhere. Preoccupied with concern for another. When you create relationships thousands of miles apart, the sting of bad news isn’t easy. So I lay here and worry as if she were my own child, even though we are continents and oceans apart. But love doesn’t concern itself with circumstance, difference, or even commitments. It roams the world searching for lost souls to bring together.
Some relationships it brings together just as friends, some as a parent and child, while others are lover’s never having tasted the fruits of love. But love doesn’t concern itself with such things, for love is too deep to define. I sometimes ask myself, why am I here? What is my purpose in life? Now my more religious friends and family would say we’re here to spread God’s word or strive to live some holy life. My more “worldly” friends and family may would say it’s to simply live a good life by achieving comfort and standing.
Now I may have failed at most of these things, but that doesn’t bother me. Now I don’t know if that’s a sign of maturity or total surrender. Either way, it is what it is. So as I close this chapter of my life, let me say. We are more than cogs in the machine. We are more than drones to some master plan. We are in this together. So while we are separated by borders, language, and cultural upbringing. At the heart of it, we are the same. We love. We laugh. We feel. So don’t let pettiness and fear separate us. Don’t let old habits keep us apart.