Could I have any crappier a night? First off, the temperature is sitting where one more blanket makes it too hot and one less blanket makes it too cold. Then around 2:30 this morning my $3500 CPAP machine decides to die. Leaving me half asleep and half-awake for the rest of the night in this cold ass bed. But during the night I ended up reading an Instagram post of a young photographer I admire. I discovered the young lady is in the hospital. I felt compelled to send her a note of encouragement and advice, considering the number of days I’ve spent in hospitals.
She asked about my situation, which I spoke of truthfully. She then sent me a word of condolence, which I replied thank you and told her that I am fine; and for her to focus on her own recovery. It’s one thing for me to “spit and sputter” about my situation, which I brought on myself. But to see a young vibrant person, through no fault of their own suffer, that breaks my heart. We all have our burdens to bear. The trick is all in how you handle them. Do you treat the situation with a positive attitude or do whine and bellyache until we simply give up?
Honestly, I do a little of both. I allow myself a time to mourn, to lick my wounds as it were. But eventually I drag myself up and move on. None of this is easy to do. It requires patience’s, a strong dose of self-compassion, and of course self-forgiveness. It’s taken me a really long time to learn that lesson. That despite my own flaws I am worthy of my own forgiveness. It’s funny sometimes how it takes the suffering of another to remind us of that fact.