Just kinda goofing today. It’s been cloudy and cold, so I’ve spent a good amount of the day under the covers. As you may or may not know we have no heat in this house other a few space heaters. It may not be the smartest way to live, but when you got just a little, you do what you can do. Having little to nothing seems to be a way of life for me. Even when it looked like the tide was going to change. There was always something standing in the way to snatch it all away.
For long time I used to be really bitter about that. But as I’ve grown more comfortable with myself; I’ve learned that jealousy and feeling sorry for myself only creates more despair. But you might say, “Damn aren’t you still living hand to mouth”? And I would have to reply, “Yeah, I still do”. It’s just that now I’ve learned to live with less and to have enough patience to see the light. I am fully aware of my limitations and I do my best to use what I have to it’s fullest. But drive and outward success aren’t my focus as much creating a better me. Look there’s nothing wrong with being successful. It’s just at the moment I got a different vision of where I need to be. My focus is on kindness and using my intuition to create a better world. At the moment my world is very small. But size has nothing to do with the obligation. Becoming the best person I can is my ultimate goal. Trying to be a light to those in my circle is now my greatest satisfaction. We may not have a lot, but it is the intent of the heart to focus on compassion and peace.
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May 2023
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