Golden Hue

My tea jug gives off a golden hue this morning as the sun quietly peeks through the clouds. Everybody and their grandma seems to be riding down the street with a semi blowing their horns at the EMC building. I’m out here trying to catch a moment of cool, while I wait for the second load of laundry to finish. It’s only 10 o'clock and I’ve already got the bed made, cleaned the kitchen, put my wife’s medications up for the week, and now working on my second load of clothes. I wish I could give you much more exciting updates on my day. But being a disabled, retired caregiver has its limits.
 
Anyway, the gnats are at a minimum at the moment with a steady breeze blowing from the east. We’ve been promised rain for the last several days, but as usual nothing has come of it. After yesterday’s story “Blue Izod”, I must admit my mind has felt so much freer in that a lot of the guilt I carried around has lightened considerably. When thinking about regret and the guilt we all carry. It’s nice to know that through self-examination and forgiveness, one can free up the chains that bend them. Rather through a commitment to salvation or mindfulness training, when you are sincere not to just some “jailhouse religion”. Eventually you will find the peace you are seeking.
 
Through negative talk coming from both myself and others, I formed an opinion that I was never good enough. The word I was trying to describe yesterday was “imposter syndrome”. Whereby I’ve never been able to accept the praise or accolades for a job well done. So I sit in my own brand of bravado all the while cringing at any praise. But through the practice of self-examination, forgiveness, and awareness; I allow myself to peer into a glass darkly, and face my fears. The point of this conversation isn’t to tell you that my way is the only way. Nor is it to sell your on some 12 point plan. All I’m trying to say is, I understand pain and I understand guilt. So here are some ideas that might help.