Add Back To It

I’m just sitting here watching the clock tick away. I had an appointment with my cardiologist a few hours ago to go over the results of my echocardiogram. It’s funny because I already got the results through my patient portal a week ago. It really doesn’t say anything new, just a lower ejection function, with the same visible heart muscle damage. Anyway my cardiologist is wanting me to look at having a couple of new surgical procedures. Apparently the medication I’m taking has done all it’s able to do for my situation.

It seems like I’ve spent most my life dealing with one issue or another. Rather it’s mental, physical, or financial; they all just compound on each another. For a number of months my energy level has been at an all time low. My hematologist attributes it to my extremely low iron count. While my cardiologist is now saying my heart ejection function is going down. While that all maybe true it would be nice if these physicians would also take a look at my mental health. But for some reason that seems to be low on the priority list when it comes to my overall health.
​
Right now my mind is in a tale spin. I wasn’t giving much thought to this total lack of energy, other than feeling tired. But when you come from the doctor’s office trying to absorb all the information. You end up feeling stuck in a box with no way of getting out. There are flashes of dread pouring through my mind. But I simply don’t have the energy to fight the feelings. But I do have a choice as to what I can do. So for the moment I will let these emotions flow. Listening to each fear and worry. Then I will arm myself with information and patience. I will listen to the specialist and make the best educated decision I can for myself. For as much as fear and worry rob and steal my peace of mind. Compassion and awareness add back to it.