Spending way too much time thinking about my situation I asked myself the questions, “Do I really need to be pumping all these chemicals into my system?” “Or do I need to seriously look into the alternatives that have been placed before me?” I’m pretty good at two things, describing my troubles in vivid detail and eventually putting a positive spin on most everything. But sometimes talk is just that…talk. But I have to admit I have made some positive changes through these processes. Still when I let my over analyzing brain have its way, the question often pops up, “Am I doing enough?”
I guess I’m just an enigma in a pool of positive posting. In the early days of my social media life I avoided posting about my ailments and phobias. Mostly because I had a mission of growing and developing my business and my brand. But covertly I was confessing “my sins” over private messaging sites for individuals with the same problems. Then in late 2015 after my first stress induced heart attack, I had the epiphany of “What the f#ck?”. Meaning that all that secrecy and hiding behind a broken smile was actually making me feel worse. That the lie of “Oh, I feel just fine” was actually killing me. Still to all of my friends and followers that adhere to the positive speak mantra, I don’t mean to throw shame. This is just me and my story of what it takes to keep me going.