I woke up around 1:30 this morning, even for me this is pretty damn early. But I fell asleep early and for those few hours I slept pretty well. A lot of people worry about my sleep habits. But after years of working crazy ass shifts and taking conference calls at all hours of the night, I’m kinda used to it. I guess you can say I have a restless mind. You would think with all my practice and studying of mindfulness; I’d be a little more “chill”. But it’s that very mindfulness that clears my head and sharpens my focus in the wee hours of the day.
For so long fear and anxiety stole so much of my life. For decades my true self lived beneath the shades of a character I played. I filled my days in servitude putting others ahead of myself. Drowning my own dreams in a sea of self-hatred and self-doubt. But after nearly killing myself “by a thousand tiny cuts”. It took the lessons I learned from achievement and letting go to make it through the last few years.
But even now even in this pandemic, I find myself in a strange and unusual place. A place of peace. For so long I struggled with the responsibilities of life. Now that the kids are grown, and my wife and special needs son are in a comfortable place. I find myself more focused on my writing and giving back to a world that is still hurting. Now maybe it’s a bit vain of me to think I could change the world for the better. But in reality, it takes just one seed, then another, and another to create a forest. Don’t let circumstance rob you of potential. Don’t let fear rob you of your dreams.
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FD Thornton, Jr
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