Another Door

Sometimes turning off the noise is never enough. Distractions are but a momentary gap that fills nothing. I’ve lived through enough of these moments to know that wondering through them isn’t for the timid. Because when faced with the abyss, the unknown as it were; no one knows where you’ll land. So I guess I’m one of the lucky ones, with enough ignorance and/or determination to see it through. But all you ever really do is just walk through another door.

But I’ve come to an understanding that this to shall pass, but not without cost. For this decaying body reminds me every day of the of the toll stress and anxiety can take. But just as fatigue has taken the place of stamina, so to has determination overtaken paralyzing fear. The kind of fear that stops you dead in your tracks and forces you to second guess yourself and your faith. Causing you to waste time, by forcing you to stand in place.
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So I do my best to watch the moments as they pass. Absorbing each one like a sponge in water. Taking in and pushing out with needs to be let go. Still there are those moments when I see reality and wonder into a dark place. A place where the seeds of fear are planted deep in your soul. With roots so deep they are nearly impossible to pull out. So you breath. Listen to yourself. And wait till the panic is chased away by peace. For avoidance only breeds more pain. But acknowledging what’s inside and accepting it are but the first steps to grace.