Can't Stand the Wind

Today is the first day this week I’ve been outside and don’t feel like I was freezing my ass off. During the winter months I like to come outside and sit in the morning sun. But over the last few seasons if there’s any hint of cool wind and I’m chilled to the bone. It may have something to do with my weight loss, but I rather chalk it up to thin skin and old age. Still my day just doesn’t feel complete, unless I can sit in my rocker outside and freak my EMC neighbors out. (The Power Company Maintenance Shop is next door).
 
Over the last few weeks I’ve been receiving praise my insightful writing and my willingness to show my vulnerable. Thinking about it reminded me of what my grandmother said about raising a family during the Great Depression. That, “we were so poor, we didn’t even notice the depression”. Exploring my vulnerabilities is second nature to me. My willingness to go to places many fear to tread is a healing process, I’ve come to depend on. Giving me the clarity to see things as they are.
 
When caught in the depths of depression and fear. I sought nearly anything I could for relief. Early on I turned to destructive behavior such as alcohol, drugs, and overeating. But as the pain built and I imploded, the answers came through medication, cognitive therapy, and mindfulness. Western religion worked to a point, but it left me with too many contradictions. But common sense and a dose eastern faith allowed me to probe deeper and honestly see the real me. Awareness and vulnerability allow you to peel back to layers of pain. While learning to forgive others as we as yourself, gives you the peace you so desperately seek. So while I appreciate the compliments, this path was never easy. Still it is a faithful tool to quiet cold winds that blow within my mind.