Carried by Many

I’m feeling a little under the weather today. For the last few days I haven’t been sleeping well. I also have a sore throat and a little congestion. I blame it on this really damp weather we’ve been having of late more so then anything. So at the moment I’m laying here in the bed, with the TV quietly offering me a little background noise. I spent most my Christmas Day chilling and watching football. We got all our family stuff out of the way on Sunday. That way the kids got to spend Christmas Day with their own little families.

Until the grandkids come along Christmas used to be such a bittersweet holiday for me. With four small kids and an extremely limited income. Christmas was always a struggle for us since moving up here. Depending on family and charity to provide the bulk of my children’s Christmas not only was it embarrassing, but it also fueled the resentment and envy I carried. It’s taken me a really long time to work through those emotions. But often, especially during the holidays those same emotions come creeping back into my heart and mind.

But through awareness I’ve learned to sense when those emotions pop up. But as usual I’ll mask those feelings externally with a smile. Feelings of inadequacy are emotions that often stifle potential. It’s funny how the inside voices of abuse can turn even the most benign look or gesture into a piercing arrow. That rips all potential from the most fragile of hearts. It’s an emotion that I still carry. It's an emotion I see carried by many. Instead of me hyping you up like a bad sales meeting fueling on Red Bull and desperation. Let me just say, “I understand “. Awareness, forgiveness, determination are just three of the many techniques one can use. Not only to find peace with yourself, but with your situation.