Determination

The gray of the morning sky does little to dampen my mood. If anything it adds a touch of joy to an otherwise warm dry day. Also the gnats don’t seem to be as enthusiastic as they were yesterday. While Buffy the cat is laying in the dirt where I usually park the car, a flock of mockingbirds scream and complain as they usually do when she’s around. I just received bad news from my new gastroenterologist. While the news was far from surprising to me, I think it disturbed the nurse more than I when she gave me the news.
 
One of the things that freaks people out about me is my apparent nonchalant attitude towards death. Along with their assumptions that I’m totally obsessed with it. In my opinion it’s not that I’m obsessed with dying, but rather my total acceptance of it. I could waste my precious time debating the whole “life after death” thing, or rather we remain a conscious spirit, or simply recycle into something else. All that is way beyond my pay grade. What I am focused on is living my life as peacefully as I can. No longer am I worried about my impact on the whole world. Now I am much more focused on my input on the individual and how I can be a point of positive change.  
 
As for my so-called obsession, I lived long enough to see my children grow and create lives of their own. I’ve watched my carefree grandkids play and learn and grow as well. And while I am nowhere near the world’s idea of the perfect parent or grandparent. At least my kids seem to have learned from my mistakes. And who knows, maybe one of them will take an interest in the arts or maybe a more appreciated writer than myself. While I doubt I’ll ever be a part of someone’s lifetime acceptance speech, at least I can say I tried. So when looking at your life and seeing all its failures and successes. Remain determined even in the absence of positivity, that with determination at least you have most of what you need to survive.