Down to the Bone

Just laying here in the bed, having come in from the cold. Our youngest son came in and plugged up the ceramic heater, I guess he got tried of seeing me look so pale and cold. It’s funny in a way, when I was over 350lbs I never had a problem with being cold. But for the last few winters, the cold air has really affected me. Chilling me right down to the bone. Recently though my digestive issues have come back with a vengeance. It seems that every time I take my morning medications, they tear my stomach up and start my daily cycle of hugging the porcelain throne.

I should probably check in with my PCP, but Jesus Christ I’ve had at least one doctor appointment every week for the last two months. And this was supposed to be my month off. Another thing I’ve noticed, other than the obvious, is that my appetite is disappearing again. I’ve noticed my weight has been dropping again and while no one has said anything, I believe the family has noticed as well. Which probably explains why my youngest is constantly checking in on me.
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While a lot of deadly illnesses seemed to have been ruled out, I’m still weak as hell. Since my cardiologist pulled me off one my heart medicines (it’s toxic to my liver), my heart flutters are back again. That and one of my son-in-laws just tested positive for Covid. It’s all got me a little stressed out. Fear is a funny thing though, it can heightened your awareness. But at the same time, it can pull out a lot of the dread and foreboding we all keep buried within us. So while digging through that clutter is beneficial; the emotions it can generate are emotions I would much rather not feel at the moment. Do you ever feel that way?