Drives Your Soul

I’m sitting out here at noon time and it’s already 80°f . That wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t the first week of March and not a tree or bush in my backyard has a leaf on it for shade. So I guess I’ll just suffer through with a light breeze blowing out of the southeast, and a few cotton ball clouds overhead. Sorry Lauren for you sitting in your winter wonderland. The Baptist have just let out next door and their heading to the parking lot, heading home to their pot roasts and mash potatoes.

It's an on going thing around here, me staring at them and them staring at me. Each wondering what the hell the other’s doing; but isn’t that how it is with most people? Just wonder around aimlessly with no real goal or purpose in mind. Listen on the surface I may seem like the most listless person in the world. One without goals or a spark of determination. But you know what, I lived in that world of goal setting for some 50 years. And to be honest all it ever got me was a wrecked nervous system, shot to hell heart, and a gut with a mind of it's own. Besides what I’m talking about is the purpose and determination that drives your very soul.
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I’ve parked myself under the shade of the tool shed to get out of the sunlight. Many of us do the same when hiding from the hard questions we should be asking ourselves. Things like, am I happy with my life? Am I being the best possible person I can be? Or, is this all there is, to get up go to work, drink some beer and then die? These are hard questions and there are some that are even harder. Even as listless as I may seem, I still worry and I still fear. But I’ve learned to ask myself, is this really what I want? And while my life is far from perfect, I’m happy where I am. I’m at peace with who I am becoming. Just a man who cares and knows what drives his soul.