Normally I would spend the first half of my morning sitting at my desk. But today with the wind blowing lightly, I decided to go outside and feel the chill allowing the quiet to calm my soul. With a second cup of coffee keeping my hands warm, I sit here with the sun to my back. Listening to sounds of this busy little town, paying close attention to the passing birds and the roaring semis.
Despite being awaken from a sound sleep early this morning, I feel usually upbeat. My bride however had a rough night of it with the chronic pain she suffers from giving her fits. I do my best to be sympathetic to her situation. As her full-time caregiver the additional stress it places on me falls between anger and frustration. Simply in the fact that nothing we have tried medically has helped so far. Living with my own health issues doesn’t help either. It forces me to put my own needs in the background, while focusing my attention on the needs of her and our son.
For a really long time I was apprehensive about telling anyone about the conflict I feel as a caregiver. The balance it takes to be sympathetic and yet forgiving of my own selfishness. But in an effort to clear my mind, I feel it’s important to be honest about the situation. At times I may sound rather cold and methodical when discussing this subject. But they are the emotional safeguards I’ve placed around me that help keep me sane.
Emotions don't come easy to me, especially when the last 36 years of my life have been dedicated to keeping my shit together. I suppose what I’m trying to say is, for those of you barely holding it together, I truly understand. For there are no easy answers to the added stresses caregiving can bring. Still by giving priority to your own health, you give you and your loved ones a fighting chance at making it. So don’t give up, otherwise you’ll never be a worth a damn for anyone, especially yourself.
Despite being awaken from a sound sleep early this morning, I feel usually upbeat. My bride however had a rough night of it with the chronic pain she suffers from giving her fits. I do my best to be sympathetic to her situation. As her full-time caregiver the additional stress it places on me falls between anger and frustration. Simply in the fact that nothing we have tried medically has helped so far. Living with my own health issues doesn’t help either. It forces me to put my own needs in the background, while focusing my attention on the needs of her and our son.
For a really long time I was apprehensive about telling anyone about the conflict I feel as a caregiver. The balance it takes to be sympathetic and yet forgiving of my own selfishness. But in an effort to clear my mind, I feel it’s important to be honest about the situation. At times I may sound rather cold and methodical when discussing this subject. But they are the emotional safeguards I’ve placed around me that help keep me sane.
Emotions don't come easy to me, especially when the last 36 years of my life have been dedicated to keeping my shit together. I suppose what I’m trying to say is, for those of you barely holding it together, I truly understand. For there are no easy answers to the added stresses caregiving can bring. Still by giving priority to your own health, you give you and your loved ones a fighting chance at making it. So don’t give up, otherwise you’ll never be a worth a damn for anyone, especially yourself.
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