Eventually Be

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​How comforting is it to see the clouds part in the nearly spring sky. Even as winter in a last gasp effort tries cast a final shadow. As the sun that reminds me it’s nearly time to awaken from our slumbers. Despite my stubbornness to change I sit here trying my best to learn a new program. After years of depending on the spontaneity of my smartphone, I’m relearning to use the keyboard on my new laptop. Ignoring the pings of hunger and the need to pee, I’m sitting here asking myself more and more about where I want to go and how I want my life to eventually be.

Things seemed so clear in the land of darkness. Where my choices were limited by the restrictions placed upon me. But now that there’s blood flowing freely again through my veins, I have to wonder. Should I continue to limit myself even through the whims of spring? Awareness is a gift that quickly can turn into a burden. If not weighed in balance with the present moment. Foresight more so than hindsight creates a fear. A fear that in a previous life started the fire that consumed me so long ago.
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 Questions. So many questions pour through my brain. I suppose I should first question the discomfort I find in my gut. Because I see so many of my peers are creating plans and living their best “lives”, while I “feel” like I’m living in a stagnate pool of mediocrity. I know what my peers would say. I even know what those that don’t really give a shit think. But despite my best efforts to just bide my time, I am still creating, still seeking, and still questioning. All of which are worthy endeavors as the clock slowly marches to whatever possibilities I find before me…eventually.