Drives Me Crazy

It’s windy, a little cloudy, and my stomach is growling; so what else is new. Does it ever seem like moments you want to move on drip like cold molasses? I often get this way around moments I’m anticipating. I know that my philosophy tells me to live in the moment. But good Lord, when that moment is days away, I’ll admit it drives me crazy. I suppose it comes from my fight or flight survival mode. That for periods of time can lay dormant; but at a moments notice can once again spring into action.

It is such a peaceful day, even with the sound of traffic and landscaping humming in the distance. Even though there are no leaves blooming on the trees yet, I can still hear birds chattering in the distance. Even so, the pings of hunger are reminding me of a not so distance past, where fear and vulnerability held my mind. Living in such a heightened state of awareness put a lot of stress on an already unhealthy body and soul. Till the moment came when physically and mentally I was broken.
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Teetering near death is a stern reminder of how fear and stress compromise your well-being. My earliest journey of searching for peace of mind was only a part of the healing puzzle. It took making major lifestyle changes to accommodate my new normal. Things I once took pride in doing were put to the wayside. Leaving me to seek a new path, redefining what the word satisfaction meant to me. Let me tell you it is a struggle to pull yourself away from the edge and back to a peaceful center. But this crazy ride was worth it. Because the peace I found out shines any of the residual pain that often reappears.