Feel Comfortable

​Surprise, surprise it’s raining again, only this time we got thunder and lighting. So I put in my earbuds and listen to music, while turning the TV to The Weather Channel so our son can keep an eye on things. As an Autistic person there are certain things our son doesn’t appreciate. For one break ups in his regular routine, and two, unpredictable sights and sounds (aka lighting and thunder). So during storms I know to leave the door open so he can come in and feel comfortable. 

After 29 years you get used to it, just ask any caregiver I’m sure they will tell you the same. If anything, long-term care teaches you patience. But even then, you can’t help but be human. So he breaks down, I break down, but we both later apologize and get over it. It’s only natural to often look at life as a curse, especially when you’re dealing with things beyond your control. But in those moments when we look each other in the eye, you know. 
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Listen we all want to feel comfortable; I mean who do know that wants to live in misery? I mean, I may look like I’ve given up. But inside I’m still fighting, still wanting to create a better me. Recently someone told me they liked me, who I am, and I appreciate that. But internally only I know my struggles and my pain. And it is only me that has to either live with it or improve the situation. So for the moment, I choose to improve and feel comfortable.