First Sunflower

Got the first load of clothes washed and hung out. Checked on the garden, there ain’t much I got to do out there but wait. The blooms on the squash are coming out nicely and the bees are pollinating away. The petunias are giving off a sweet morning smell and I saw my first sunflower bloom this morning. It’s funny how drastic my life has changed over the last several years. Going from working full time and doing my graduate studies. To everything stopping dead in it’s tracks, with me basically facing the end of my existence.

As nonchalant as I make it sound, I don’t take anything for granted. I was forced to slow my pace and appreciate the simpler things of life. Like leaves dancing in the sunlight and the scent of petunias on the vine. Some consider me lucky to have been blessed with this gift. But believe me when I say, these were hard taught lessons this old dumbass had to learn the hard way. So I watch the clothes dance on a gentle breeze, while my mind goes back to more stressful times. But living on the seeds of awareness brings one to a certain place of contentment and calm.
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I wish more of my friends and acquaintances could understand what I’m saying. That love, life, and bounty are all within reach; if one looks deeply into one’s self and forgives. For so long I measured contentment and success by what I saw others achieve. What I finally realized was that I could only achieve satisfaction through making peace with myself. Envy, jealousy, self-pity did nothing but tear at my soul. Creating bitterness, fear, and self-worthlessness within me. Do I still find myself battling the forces that work against me? Yes. Do I still have days where I just don’t  know what to do? Duh. Life is a course we chart. Good or bad it all depends on how we use the resources we are given.