Another sleepless night blinds my better judgement. But this time I simply get up and go to my workstation and fire up the old PC. Hoping that maybe the quiet glow of the screen will awaken solutions from a long-forgotten past. Granting me solace from a world long ago. Sitting up seems to have solved some of my gravity issues. Allowing me to be more comfortable, let’s just hope this comfort can lead me back to golden rest.
The soft clicking of the keys brings its own quiet restitution. The glow of the desk lamp brings up familiar memories of late-night conference calls and all night calculations. Oddly enough it puts a smile on my face thinking of those days. Funny how the memories of pain and near destruction fade. But my body still reminds me of those facts every day. Still, I don’t hold any bitterness against my ambition. Because I fought hard for those goals that brought me here.
I understand ambition, I understand what it’s like to reach a goal. I also know the pain of a physical and mental breakdown and its aftereffects. Seek balance in whatever you do. Don’t allow one desire to blind you to the need for wholeness and contentment. I sit here now a living testament to the power of reaching a goal at all costs, only to stand on that summit and feel nothing. Don’t allow fear to overcome your peace of mind. Every day I wage war against my own fear. Only to realize that fear is just a part of the balance of life. That only through acceptance and love am I able to focus and discover my ever evolving truth.
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FD Thornton, Jr
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