Healing

Another 3 AM wake up call. Another get up out of the blue for no good reason. Oh, sometimes it’s because of an upset stomach, or a panic attack; hell, even a few times it’s been an actual heart attack. Whatever the reason, here I am just me and the cat and a head full of shit. Tension and stress are my consist companions. Rather they are screaming out loud or being keep to a quiet roar, they’re never far away. 

But like most anything you get used to it. Like the consent grinding I do with my teeth. In a way I’m a little like this cat, always on standby. Never far from the panic button. The irony is if you hit that damn button enough, it just gets stuck. For the last several years, every time I’m close to that button, it does a little more and a little more damage. Used too I could recover fairly quickly from a panic attack. But with each passing day, it gets a little harder to turn the volume down. 
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Oh I have my mediation, my breathing, and my medication. But at some point, the damage is done. Considering all the health issues I’m facing; I’d think one of my medical doctors would have figured this out; and had me checked out by a therapist. But I’ve come to the simple conclusion, that doctors are only human and can only see as far as their training. So what’s the moral of this tale, you ask? How about breathe in and breathe out. Also to be aware. But remember with awareness there needs to be a certain amount of compassion and forgiveness for yourself. For healing is often nothing more than finding peace within yourself.