Hollow Words

Good morning my peeps, well once again I’m up around 3am. This time with a touch of vertigo and a healthy dose of panic attack. It’s funny how over the years my logical mind has learned to function while my body goes through the routine of heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and tremors. It’s almost like a silly ass game of “cat and mouse” waiting for these things to chill out. 

To be honest I shouldn’t be surprised, I’ve had a lot of external stress come my way. Things I try to ignore, but still they get under my skin. It seems this “Man of Steel” does have a little kryptonite after all. My breathing is easing up a little bit, the heart slowing down. The aftereffects of these things usually leave me physically and emotionally exhausted, while my logical mind putts along. 

Writing and talking are my savor. It’s usually what calms me down from the chaos that’s going on. When asked who I pray to, for me that’s a difficult subject to tackle. Growing up in a strict evangelical home, where boogers lay under every corner. My parents would say, “let’s just pray that thing out of you”. Well Mom Dad, it doesn’t work that way. 
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The closest thing I have to a religion is meditation and even then, I attach no God to it. Things are feeling a little better. I’m being mindful of my breaths and slowly feeling my mind clear. Where isolation and silence were once the enemy. Now I embrace the solitude and peace they bring. “Do not let your heart be troubled…” (John 14:1 NIV), blows across my mind. Well I’ll be damned, maybe there is some solace in those once hollow words.