FD THORNTON.COM / TRUTH-LIES...
  • Welcome
  • Stories
  • Painted Poetry
  • Merch
  • Moments of Zen
  • Contact Us

Honest to God

9/12/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
It’s kinda hard to describe, the feelings are so real. The sensation that something is very wrong. For a long time I was told I was a hydrocondriac. Because whenever I’d get my symptoms checked out they would often fade. I’d always been overweight and I smoked. But even then, I usually stayed pretty active physically. So my earliest health issues didn’t appear till after I developed Panic Disorder. My panic often displays itself in the form of health anxiety. Rather it’s shortness of breath or rapid heartbeat, in the beginning it would quickly appear then disappear. I blame my worsening symptoms on increased stress and my own shitty lifestyle. But 23 years after my initial PD diagnosis, there are times when it’s hard to distinguish between a panic attack and an honest to God health situation.

There are other mental health issues I suffer from like General Anxiety Disorder and Chronic Depression. But my panic is the granddaddy of them all. I’ve quit and lost jobs because of it. I’ve made foolish financial and life decision because of it. Effecting not only the quality of my life, but the life of my family. The months of initial madness spending days and weeks under the covers of my bed. My bouts with depression and agoraphobia, and the clinic’s tendency throw treatments against the wall to see if they'd stick; it’s a damn wonder I’m still around. But through trial and error, and a great deal of therapy. I’ve survival but all be it with more than my share of scars.
​
This journey is much more than I can sum up in just 300 words or less. But lately my old friend panic has been back to torment my nights. I think it all has to do with an upcoming surgery I will be having in October. The surgery will hopefully correct my AFib situation. It’s a new type of surgery that is going through it’s clinical trials. So basically I’m going to be a guinea pig or at least a lab rat. But while I still approach this with my usual cynical humor. Down deep my old nemesis panic has found opening. Lord knows why I’m even bring any of this up. It’s a subject I’ve brought up more times than I care to mention. Still it feels important that I say, there are no easy answers. But a fight worth fighting often last a lifetime, just ask any of my friends working on their sobriety. Life’s often never easy nor is it ever drawn with a straight line. The point is to keep trying. There were so many moments when I could have just given up. But for some crazy I chose to fight. And to be honest, I believe you want to as well.
 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    All post written by
    FD Thornton, Jr  
    Copyrighted.
    ​All Rights Reserved.

    Archives

    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Welcome
  • Stories
  • Painted Poetry
  • Merch
  • Moments of Zen
  • Contact Us