I understand: Caregiving

Despite my better judgement, I come outside to have gnats for brunch. I wanted to check the garden, but I left my waders at the river. The garden looks horrible with too many weeds and blown over sunflowers. But the peas still look okay, and I don’t see too much blight on them from all the rain. We are still getting some of that wrap around from Elsa. But at least the wind is blowing pushing these damn bugs around. 

I’ve been up since 4 am, not having a lot of pain in any particular area. Just having enough aches to keep me up. I did catch myself an hour and a half nap between 7 and 9. Got up and began playing phone tag with the doctors and my pharmacist to get Lisa’s prescriptions refilled. This is becoming a way too often occurrence, I believe it’s getting about time to light a few fires under some asses. Being a caregiver may seem rewarding and even noble work. But in all honestly, it’s tiring, thankless, and unpaid. 
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I understand what it’s like dealing with a loved one that can’t fend for themselves. Oh, Lisa tries and often does the things she sets out to do. But there are those moments, when you wish nothing more than to just take care of yourself. These are hard things to say, but that doesn’t make it them untrue. For 34 years I have been looking after and making decisions for my wife. For 30 years, I’ve been doing the same for my son. Listen, I’m not asking for pity or even a pat on the back. I walked into this with my eyes wide open. What I am saying is to all those out there, I understand.