So I quit writing for a few days. Trying to give myself the luxury of clearing my head. But despite being both physically and mentally exhausted, I still have household obligations to fulfill. I wish my obligations were as simple as just washing dishes or doing the laundry. But they also include meal planning, chauffeuring, as well as, all major household decisions. All this was fairly routine for a number of years. But now as time moves on, it only seems to have gotten worse.
I suppose I’m being a little mellow dramatic here. But given my current physical state, it’s no exaggeration that I could use a little break. Yesterday I had to make another sixty mile round trip to yet another doctor’s appointment. This time to hear the test results and assessment from last week’s blood work. The news was the usual mixed bag of good and bad. But the hematologist was satisfied I wouldn’t keel over any time soon. But she did mention I looked very tired and that I should get some rest (insert eye roll).
Like I said, I quit writing for a few days and the above paragraph is a good indicator as to why. My center of empathy is shot to hell. It’s probably best I not allow myself any human contact for a while on an empathetic level. It would be easy for me to say I just need some rest. But when the tension of responsibility is staring you in the face. Rest and decompression are usually the last things you’re going to get. So as with most anything I’ll simply ride out this wave of anxiety and rage, by turning on my trusty autopilot. It’s not much of a plan, but as a caregiver with loads of baggage of my own. It’s the best plan I can come up with. So for any of you feeling the same way, believe me I understand.
I suppose I’m being a little mellow dramatic here. But given my current physical state, it’s no exaggeration that I could use a little break. Yesterday I had to make another sixty mile round trip to yet another doctor’s appointment. This time to hear the test results and assessment from last week’s blood work. The news was the usual mixed bag of good and bad. But the hematologist was satisfied I wouldn’t keel over any time soon. But she did mention I looked very tired and that I should get some rest (insert eye roll).
Like I said, I quit writing for a few days and the above paragraph is a good indicator as to why. My center of empathy is shot to hell. It’s probably best I not allow myself any human contact for a while on an empathetic level. It would be easy for me to say I just need some rest. But when the tension of responsibility is staring you in the face. Rest and decompression are usually the last things you’re going to get. So as with most anything I’ll simply ride out this wave of anxiety and rage, by turning on my trusty autopilot. It’s not much of a plan, but as a caregiver with loads of baggage of my own. It’s the best plan I can come up with. So for any of you feeling the same way, believe me I understand.
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