I'm Wearing Pants...Again

Well I got all my usual Sunday morning chores done. Got up, called my father-in-law, made the bed, and took my pills all the usual stuff. At the moment I’m sitting outside, it’s a little nippy with a steady breeze and plenty of cotton ball clouds. For the second day in a row I’m wearing pants…again. You might find that an usual statement, but for the past several years I’ve worn nothing but black sweatpants. Not so much as a fashion statement, but more out of convenience and discretion.

For a number of years I’ve suffered with digestive issues, as well as, heart and mental health issues. My heart and mental health issues are fairly easy to deal with in terms of the public. In other words, creating work arounds to function in society. But my digestive issues, once they became practically uncontrollable, it was no pleasant task to deal with in public. Over the years I've created work arounds for this situation. Such as limiting my travel, scheduling restroom stops, and keeping a diaper bag (with cleaning supplies and a change of clothes). This all sounds embarrassing and frankly it is. But traumatic changes in your live, call for either defeat and isolation or adapting and overcoming.

I choose the latter. My panic and anxiety caused me enough damage in the early years with isolation and fear. My subsequent heart failure, slowed my activities to a crawl. For 25 years now I’ve been dealing with all this shit. And while a lot of people wouldn’t blame me if I decided to just give up. I choose to be proactive and continue to fight for my normalcy. During this fight I’ve found the right medical and spiritual combination to deal with my panic. The same is true for my chronic heart failure. Hell I’ve even used my out of control digestive system to help bring my weight under control.

Mind you that none of this is full proof or maybe even recommended. It’s just the best I could do under my given circumstances. Following the advice of my doctors I’m focused on survival. By being proactive and setting a positive course to getting healthier. I mean, it’s nice to feel confident to wear pants again. And while other little naggy issues continue to pop up; I’ll continue to fight the good fight and try to be a better person then I was today.