In the Absence of...

After a week or two of drowning in my own fears, I’m finally getting back to my old self. The weight of that moment has passed, and the hopelessness and dread I felt are dissipating. Every so often when I look at my predicament, the weight of it can crush me. But through my mindfulness training and some good old fashion psychotherapy. Learning that you have to face the grief in order overcome it. 

Decades ago I learned the hard way that self talk and pseudo-motivation just didn’t work, at least for me. So after years of trying to just “sucking it up”, I finally just collapsed. It was during this time that I joined group therapy sessions. Just knowing that you’re not alone helped me to overcome the pain and the isolation. Still I often found myself being dragged back into the darkness. Where the perceived hopelessness of a situation could overwhelm me.

But it's in those moments where you listen to the pain and give it a voice. Just like those times sitting in group therapy; where I listen, I grieved, and give myself a little compassion. I also learned to forgive myself for my so-called weakness, especially for not being unable to hold on. In other words to forgive myself for simple being human. Being raised in the generation in which I was. The overwhelming theme was to “bite the bullet and deal with it “. But over the years I’ve seen that that can cause nothing but pain and sorrow for those that grew beside me.  Maybe what I’m saying doesn’t speak you. But neither will holding on to the anger or living in the absence of empathy.