That’s because my dear bride has been in a lot of pain due to a long-standing medical issue. Which lends her to some pretty intense outburst of anger and frustration. For me to try and calm her down is a moot point. Considering that I am not only her husband but I’m also her caregiver. It’s a mixed-up relationship for sure, where I assumed the responsibilities of being the primary decision maker, the appointment scheduler, bill payer, chauffeur, and household manager. In public situations like when I’m helping her in a store or giving her medical details to a new doctor, it can look like I’m a dominating asshole. But I’m sure anyone in a similar caregiving situation knows what I mean.
So I leave her to her recliner with Universal Kids channel playing on the TV and her gaming apps in her hand. While I go do some laundry and wash the dishes. Eventually she comes into the room and starts putting up the dried clothes and for a moment we look like a normal couple. God knows, I’m not looking for any pity for myself or for her. She’s lived with her disabilities far longer than I’ve been around. Besides I walked into this marriage with my eyes fairly wide open. This is the third day I’ve been working on this piece. But for a really long time I just wouldn’t talk about our situation. The exhaustion, the guilt, the loneliness, and so many bad choices. Are enough to plant seeds of doubt. But then there are those moments when everything’s okay. Like driving down the road guessing the age of the slow drivers we pass. Is he 99 or 103? Or laying in bed trying to guess who’s The Masked Singer. Take it off! Take it off! Yeah, it’s easy to say I give up and walk away. I’ve actually seen that happen more than a few times. But her and I, we’re still here.