Just Grey

When you walked through the abyss for as long as I had, you learn to appreciate colors more deeply. For a good part of my adult life I was robbed of the simple joys of light, darkness, and composition. But once I dropped my dependents on a chemical fix to make it through the day. The world became a wash with color and sound again. 

At first it was a bit overwhelming, much like being an infant again. Certain hues and patterns brought such intense emotions. I would cry at the drop of a hat to the sound of a sad tune or the color of a beautiful painting. All this with the emotions I thought I’d lost and nearly forgotten decades ago. 

My adult children find my sudden appreciation for color and sound a bit strange. They remember the days of dull and grey that covered my mind. Those were times when the responsibilities of life were pressing in around me and the walls began closing in. The paradise I sought to create vanished with each passing moment making it harder to find my way home.
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But that moment truly came when I lay in a hospital bed, wired for sound and clinging to life. That was the moment I learned to let go. In life if you’re lucky you’re granted a few epiphanies. For me one came in the form of a heart attack and subsequent surgery to patch me up. Physically the damage is done, but spiritually over the last few years it has been nice to get reacquainted with myself. Life is more than just living, it’s about passion, happiness, and love. A love for the world around you, a love for family and friends, a love for your passions, a mostly importantly a love for yourself. Because without that, anything else is just grey.