The world seems so small, when surrounded by your own fears. Acceptance and self-compassion only go so far, when comfort is what you need. Tied in a knot of your own fear. With no way to release the pressure value that isn’t self-destructive. You end up curled up in a ball wishing you were somewhere else.
Social media doesn’t help, it only exacerbates the situation. Seeing all those smiling faces, knowing that you’re not one of them. Knowing that you are alone. The amygdala while stunned by medication, still makes it’s presence known. A hard reality I accepted so many years ago. But like so many times before, this to will hopefully past. Leaving me exhausting and drained for a while. It feels good to bounce back. But still there is that fear, that maybe you’ve used up your last chance. I know that may not be a very optimistic approach. But none the less it’s a real one. It is said time heals all wounds, but how much time do I need?
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May 2023
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