Every once in a while I get the grandiose idea to create a product or develop an idea. But then my fragile body and mind remind me of who I am and wisely talk me out of it. Back when I worked I was never a very good drone. But I found a niche career in Security and online services that (A) kept me away from the general population, and (B) left me mostly to my own devices to do as I will. Now I just lay here a sad example of what the world would see as a productive person.
I’m sure dreams are still an important thing. But as I have matured, the acceptance of the moment is now the focal point of where I need to be. As my children mature I can see the worry and troubles of responsibility I once carried overtake their lives. As the retired parent in this relationship there’s not much I can offer but the same stale advice my parents haphazardly threw at me. So I’m doing my best to keep my emotional responses at bay. But as imperfect as I am, it would probably be easier to just tape my mouth shut and tattoo an apology across my head ahead of time.
Reading over what I have just written. I’m sure I’ve either disappointed or upset a large group of people. Especially those with some sort of ambition or internal need to succeed. But I’ll just taking my seat in the corner quietly watching the show. I’ve experienced how stress can rob one of their very soul. So for me to pass judgement anymore would be a bit hypocritical. So I pause. Knowing that eventually it’s example which truly teaches. Listening to the lessons of life play in my head. And accepting what I can change and doing my best to let go of the rest.
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