Lying here under the air conditioner while the world outside continues to move without me. It’s a hard truth I’ve been forced to accept even through my stubbornness. I’m often complimented for my optimism and fortitude towards life. But in my eyes I’m just looking at things as they really are. Now my Grandma Geiger was no stranger to hard times or adversity. She was a great listener, and while she often wouldn’t spare you her opinion of your situation. At least you never felt like you were being put down or belittled for it.
It takes a great deal of discipline to wean oneself of negative chatter. That constant belittling voice inside your head that tells you you’re no good. It’s quite the oxymoron to grow up in an environment where you’re put down and insulted one minute. While being taught that you were made “perfect” through religious obedience. We were told salvation was a gift, yet there seems to always be a “but” somewhere behind that precious statement.
I never really gave up on the concept of a higher power. It’s just that maybe that higher power is right here among us without all the rules and obligations. That nature itself is the teacher if we only listen. I’ve learned to not be afraid of who I am. To not sweep under the rug of shame the emotional baggage I carry. But instead to embrace it and show it the compassion it deserves. Kinda like my Grandma Geiger would do. I guess that’s why I am like I am. I accept my limitations but at the same time I don’t let my limitations define me. Imperfection is a difficult pill to shallow, but not an impossible one. It takes awareness, calmness, and determination to make it through life’s difficult times.
It takes a great deal of discipline to wean oneself of negative chatter. That constant belittling voice inside your head that tells you you’re no good. It’s quite the oxymoron to grow up in an environment where you’re put down and insulted one minute. While being taught that you were made “perfect” through religious obedience. We were told salvation was a gift, yet there seems to always be a “but” somewhere behind that precious statement.
I never really gave up on the concept of a higher power. It’s just that maybe that higher power is right here among us without all the rules and obligations. That nature itself is the teacher if we only listen. I’ve learned to not be afraid of who I am. To not sweep under the rug of shame the emotional baggage I carry. But instead to embrace it and show it the compassion it deserves. Kinda like my Grandma Geiger would do. I guess that’s why I am like I am. I accept my limitations but at the same time I don’t let my limitations define me. Imperfection is a difficult pill to shallow, but not an impossible one. It takes awareness, calmness, and determination to make it through life’s difficult times.
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