Part 2: Unexpected Times
It’s the first day of spring and the temperature is 29 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. But seeing that this is South Georgia and Easter still a few weeks away, I’m not surprised. That’s just how it works around here. So while I was wearing shorts and t-shirts through most of February. This month I’m back in what we southerners call our winter wear (a hoodie and sweatpants). Along with the usual idiosyncrasies that surround my life, I’m also being bombarded by fear. Fear that in many ways has been tamed, yet fear still haunts me at most unexpected times.
There are moments in each of our lives where we question ourselves. In my life self-doubt and low self-esteem ruled my way of life with an iron fist. Effecting every decision and every dream I ever had. In my personal life, relationships that seemed destined were sunk in an ocean of self-doubt and fear. But life has to be lived and while other relationships were eventually created. Others are not so easily cast aside. So I ask the question, should I just put away the old things and continue on my current path? Or should I take a chance and rediscover old passions by reigniting once shattered dreams?
I guess these are questions that stretch far beyond the mere 300 words given here. But that’s how it is when you’ve spent most of your life second guessing yourself. The inherent depression and anxiety that I deal with every day, has burnt everlasting scars into my psyche. So in these unexpected times it’s okay to doubt and it’s okay to fear. In order to overcome the fear, I must first acknowledge the fear and anxiety. Through mindfulness and forgiveness I’m learning that even the most damaged parts of me are worthy of my time and my love. So while I still don’t have an answer for some questions in my life. At least I know I have the tools to sort through the noise and eventually find my joy.
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FD Thornton, Jr
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