Knowing good and well onions in any form are not good for my belly. I still made oven fried onion rings anyway for supper. For which I paid a dear price in pain and discomfort. Have you ever found yourself doing shit like that, knowing good and well it’s no good for you? It can be as innocent as buying that 64oz fountain drink you really didn’t need. Or something as tragic as falling in love over and over again with the same toxic personality. I admit, I’m a blooming idiot when it comes to such things.
My bad choices have caused me and my family hardships. Never one to take the safe route, I’d spill from one awkward situation to the next. Thinking that this time things will finally go my way. My older daughters would often wait for the next “shoe to drop”, when any decision was ever made by me. It’s probably why they don’t trust me much now anyway and why I don’t really blame them. But there are times even in my “godless life”, where faith is required to save the day. I suppose you could call these things mere predictable, that at some point the odds work in your favor. You could say that only a small percentage of goodness is granted by compassion and even a smaller portion given through destiny. However, when it happens, it happens. Too many times in my life unexpected miracles have occurred. The point is to be aware of your own stupidity. Never forget to forgive yourself and to make amends with those you wrong. I won’t ever stop making mistakes, that’s for damn sure. But my life doesn’t have to be a tragic story, if I don’t let it.
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May 2023
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