I figured I’d take a chance and come outside for a while or at least till the sand gnats tote me off. To my left a mockingbird sings his morning song. While overhead a squirrel and a nesting bird are having a property dispute. I’m really trying to feel better but my head is in such a fog. Last night I slept well till about 3am then the tossing and turning began. I guess I’m anxious about the upcoming month and all the doctor appointments I got to coordinate. It seems like you get no rest when you have health issues to manage.
I guess I shouldn’t bore you with such mundane facts, I mean everyone’s got their troubles. But at the moment this is all I got to vent those frustrations. Life often hands you baggage to carry that you didn’t even pack. On top of my physical issues there are the mental issues that often get put off to the side. Recently, old haunts have been able rear their ugly head again. Manifesting themselves in simple discomforts; that through panic and anxiety overcome any sense of stability you might have.
At the moment these feelings of fear encircle my brain. It should be easy enough to just dismiss such thoughts. But for individuals like me that have build up a tolerance towards such things. Even an old mental health vet like me can still be overrun by such emotions. Having an empathetic mind doesn’t help either. When you see others suffering in mass, it can effect you so deeply that you have to just shutdown. So as the cicadas cry raises and falls through the trees, I’m left hidden under my protective armor once again. Wishing I could ignore an enemy that lives deep in my soul.
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FD Thornton, Jr
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