It’s early in the afternoon I just got back from running errands and checking on George. I’m outside for the first time in two weeks and even though there’s a little chill in the air, the sun is bright and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Across the street I can hear that old woodpecker still working on his nest for the spring. Chipping away at the top of that white oak, knowing that a good house will attract a strong mate. I got the last of our daughter’s laundry drying on the line, while the cats are out chasing leaves like a couple of kittens.
As for me, I’m listening to damn near nothing. Throughout the morning I’ve seen as few a cars as I have this whole holiday season. Barely a truck or car has drove by, I haven’t heard any log trucks echoing in the distance or even seen a customer parked at the Dollar Store. The birds are few and far between, except for my buddy. It’s almost as if Mother Nature is giving me the afternoon off from the stress I’ve been feeling lately.
A friend of mine on Instagram spoke of giving yourself freedom this morning and in a way, I’m beginning to understand what she’s saying. We give up so much of ourselves for the greater good. But in doing so we neglect and abuse ourselves. A lot of us were programmed from an early age that pleasing others was the only way to please ourselves. So like a trained animal, we dance and we dance for a moments worth of attention. Only to be put back into our cage until we’re needed to perform again.
But my body’s breaking down and it’s telling me I can’t dance like I used too, and for a while that’s what I’ve been doing. But this last year has really pulled all the energy out of me it can. So I’m breaking down even more, with new ailments seemingly flaring up every day. So while the last of the clothes are drying, I’m left here quietly feeling the pain. Knowing good and damn well I need to slowdown and stop all this running around and listen to myself once again.