FD THORNTON.COM
  • Welcome
  • Stories
  • Painted Poetry
  • Books
  • Lisa's Art
  • Moments of Zen
  • Contact Us

Nothing More to Give

8/3/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
Disclaimer: I often write to vent my frustrations and fear. This is one of those times. This is my release, my way of listening compassionately to my inner voice.

 I am so physically exhausted right now. My body has been purging itself all week. The only thing I can think about is how my insides have nothing more to give. This whole situation has left me tired and weak, to the point that I’m physically shaking. But this isn’t something that I haven’t felt before. Pushing myself to physical and mental exhaustion is what started all my troubles some 22 years ago. When answers and absolutes seemed so much simpler to find. 

I sometimes find myself asking the age-old question, why? Why do I continue on? Why am I pushing myself to be better? Why am I even telling this story? I have no sense of uniqueness in my abilities beyond those of anyone else. I’m a good talker, although I do tend to ramble. I am still grossly overweight and unhealthy. And the weight loss goals I had achieved were quickly erased after my recent surgery. Maybe, if anything I have an acute sense of awareness. That comes by naturally through conditioning, survival, and my mindfulness practices.
​
There’s really no point in me talking about this. It’s just me rambling on again. Just waiting to make it through to another dawn. To get up again and begin the routine of living, just like a billion other people. Still, I’m tired and I’m lonely, just throwing words to the wind. Knowing that in the darkness parts of my mind there’s just more loneliness. But we survive, I survive; clinging to threads of existence that at one time were real. Breathing and believing that there’s something more, until you have nothing more to give. 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    All post written by
    FD Thornton, Jr  
    Copyrighted.
    ​All Rights Reserved.

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Welcome
  • Stories
  • Painted Poetry
  • Books
  • Lisa's Art
  • Moments of Zen
  • Contact Us