Nothing Much to Say
The last few days I have been in a bit of a fog. My sinuses have been working overtime, while nothing I have written has given me any satisfaction. I guess I could call it writer’s block but I think it has more to do with having nothing much to say. I have literally written thousands of posts. So maybe it’s time for me to shutdown for a while. Maybe as I get older it’s just the genetic makeup of my father that is coming out. My old man was a fellow of few words. As I grow older, I understand better the pressure he put himself under. His unexpected outburst, the verbal abuse, and never seeming to measure up.
I got reminded that it’s Mental Health Awareness Day today. To be honest, while I was diagnosed with mental health issues some 20+ years ago. I keep that fact hidden most of those 20 years. The stigma of mental health struggles around me still seems as taboo as it was 22 years ago. Even mentioning having a mental health issue has cost me jobs and frankly family relationships. Unlike a physical disability, mental health is very much a silent problem. Leading to undiagnosed issues being ignored, which can lead to self-harm and abusive behavior.
Believe me I know all about that, both self-harm and abusive behavior. The self-harm, things like unhealthy habits and low self-esteem I’ve pretty much got a handle on. But it’s the abusive behavior that really needs more of my attention. Like I said, my dad wasn’t much of a physical abuser, but he sure was a good verbal abuser. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my father. That’s because as get older and see the reflection he has had on my life. Because masking pain and making excuses for it only creates more pain. To end generational abuse, one has too honest with oneself. Don’t be afraid to seek help and get support. And learn to speak up when something feels wrong.
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FD Thornton, Jr
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