Out of the Blue

Watch your Step - Sandra Saxon Burnsed

It’s a little cool this morning, it’s cloudy and damp unlike yesterday’s cold but sunny. Sitting here crossed legged on the bed I’m wrapped in a blanket; I’m trying to keep my fingers warm. All this a little new for me considering I lost over 100 lbs. When I was over 300 lbs. I was quite warm during the winter months with little extra clothing. Now I’m cold to the bone, wondering how “skinny people” make it.
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While all this weight loss might seem like a blessing in disguise, it still makes my General Practitioner nervous. She says I’m losing weight way too fast. But without any outward discomfort other than my overactive digestive tract, it’s all a mystery. I’m going for a colonoscopy in early December and do a colon screening every year. So other than some elevated something in my liver from one of my medications. Some of my doctors think maybe it is a blessing in disguise.

So I sit here, the panic side of me wanting to over-obsess with the situation. While the calmer more reasonable side just sits here and waits. Now my ever-present satirical side is thinking, “Here you are worrying about a chronic heart condition, all the while, it’s probably going to be something totally out of the blue that takes us out… Typical.” (Insert eyeroll)

Listen I can moll over these hypotheticals all day; but what good does do but cause even more anguish and worry. Ignoring the problem certainly isn’t the answer but wishing it to go away is even worse. I remain proactive in my treatment and pay attention to what my doctors say. In fact my doctors have commented me on just how aware I am of my treatment and my situation. You can’t go through life “wishing” for happy dreams. Always walk your path aware of where you are stepping. Life can be a beautiful adventure. But only if you look at things wholly one moment at a time.