Painted into a Corner

I’m supposed to take my morning medication at 7 o’clock, but I usually end up doing it around 8. This morning things got a little busy, between being the caregiver and getting everyone else ready and answering some early morning calls. I didn’t get to my own medicine till around 10:30. Let alone have breakfast or even a whole cup of decaf. I have to admit I’m feeling a little sluggish and foggy. But this ain’t my first time putting everyone else’s needs first and I’m pretty damn sure it won’t the last.

 I’m not telling you this to get put on anyone’s pity party list. Lowd knows, I do enough of that on my own. But we all have to do what we have to do. Rather out of love or obligation, we do things we’d rather out do. But we do them anyway, because they have to get done. Right now I got even more things I need to get done. But to be honest, I’m not ready physically, mentally, or even financially ready to do them. I feel like I’m painted into a corner and that’s a feeling I definitely don’t like.

Some of us lash out when we feel that way. Other’s cower hiding themselves till the danger passes. Then there are some of us that just give in and let the beast devour us, dying again and again. I’ll freely admit that I am often the latter, freezing in my tracks and taking whatever fate I am handed. I suppose it comes from my conditioning to be a good boy and accept whatever comes. But that doesn’t make it right. 
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I suppose what I’m saying here is, don’t accept anything less for yourself. You are just as worthy of love and respect as the next person. Also, don’t let past pain dictate how you treat others. As I walk this journey towards healing, I’m made aware of my treatment of others. Don’t allow past abuse to define how you treat others, especially yourself.