Part 1: Great Pretender

Under the protection of a heavy blanket, I hide from the world once again. The only progress I seem to have made with my clinical depression, is that I now manage to come up with better excuses for it. Other than that, it’s the same weight and overwhelming guilt that I always felt when paralyzed by it. So I lay here in troubled sleep. Finding the only comfort I can, in my total inability to get up and take over the day. 

I was told recently that my words were so defeated. That I needed to brighten up my message and stop being such a “downer”. At the moment I laughed at the ignorance that wrote those words. For they obviously missed the point I was trying to make. I believe when writing about myself, I should tell an honest story about my short comings. And that hopefully my story will led someone to an eventual victory. But today isn’t going to be one of those days.

So maybe my short sighted commenter was right. Maybe I should use my words to only uplift. Even if those words are nothing more than a belly fill of cotton candy. That at any given moment while you’re enjoying your little carnival ride. It causes you to puke all over yourself and everyone around you. So what do you think? At least I haven’t lost my twisted sense of humor, as my family so delicately puts it. But there is something to be said for hiding under the covers. That for a few moments I can pretend I don’t have to be someone else’s savior. Not even my own.