Passing Overhead

It’s one of those nitpicky gloomy days where the rain is pouring and the yard simple can’t hold any more water. After about two or three days of nothing, I’ve decided to try and write something. I know that in about a week or two, my mind will start drifting back down that dark road of stress and depression. Knowing that as the days drag on food stocks, toilet paper, and fuel will be in short supply till the first of the month. You’d think by now I’d figured out how to live on a monthly stipend. But with individuals each demands and the unexpected long doctors’ visits, you never know how much or little you’ll need. But for the moment all I can hear is the rolling thunder of these California storms passing overhead.
 
Gloom and doom, two works that stick to the back of the throat of every poor person in the world. Waiting and helplessness, two more words that cause good people to do stupid things. While I still got my sense about me it’s easy to strategize against such feelings. But just like clockwork, eventually the gods of fear and desperation taking over. Taking us down long lonely paths where the soul fears to tread. Through my own struggles and weird determination, I’ve been lucky that I’ve found some remedies to these problems. First through the wise words of my peers and then through my desperate search through prayer, therapy right, and mindfulness. I’ve gained some understanding of what’s going on in my head and I’ve learned to forgive and accept what I see.
 
I’m not going to sit here and give you a course in how to find peace of mind. That is a journey each of us must take alone. But I will tell you that staying proactive and not giving in to the sorrow is the only way out. Listen I am far from having made a complete recovery from my depressive traits. But I understand better where the thoughts come from and how to deal with them. Within your history are seeds (thoughts), both good and bad. Those seeds are buried beneath the soil that makes up our genetic nature. Through mindfulness and meditation (prayer) I listen to those seeds as they spout. With compassion I listen to those fears, and I embrace them. Letting them know I hear them, and I understand. I didn’t say the process was easy, for years I’ve battled this, and I have won and lost. But like I said, this is my struggle, and this is how I deal with it while it passes overhead.