Plenty of Time

​Retirement has it’s advantages, at the moment it gives Buffy endless head rubs. Along with plenty of time to sit on my belly while I’m trying to work. Other than that I do have time to pursue my passion for writing and improve my general well-being. Yesterday was yet another day of doctor appointments and test. This time I went back to my new kidney specialist for my test results from last week. I really didn’t learn anything my body wasn’t already telling me. But they were optimistic about a treatment plan in the hopes of keeping my kidneys functioning.

I also got the additional x-rays my PCP requested of my neck, back, and hip. Once again, I’m pretty sure I know what the diagnosis is going to be. Although I’m curious about the options she’s going to suggest other than just pain management. But such is the life of a once self-abusive fool with chronic depression, and apparent health anxieties. But I'm doing my best to improve the situation through mindfulness, awareness, forgiveness, and gratitude.

Listen my growth has not been an overnight process. I’ve been working on myself since 1999 mentally and since 2015 physically. Believe me when I tell you it’s a “one step forward, two steps back” kinda thing. With many more disappointments than victories. So why waste the time, you may ask? Well for me the alternative may have been, let’s say…nothing. In other words being just another headstone in a long forgotten cemetery. Or worse yet a forgotten shell of a man pretending to be a cast member of The Walking Dead.
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Listen if your reading this, you still got plenty of time. Plenty of time to ask forgiveness those you wronged and who wronged you, while also forgiving yourself. Listen to what your insides are telling you. And understand that your actions do effect you and those around you. You are worthy of change and forgiveness. But it’s up to you to try.