What We Have To Do

After a restful night the usual morning sounds of leaf blowers and lawnmowers fills the air. But with a gusty cold breeze blowing from off the coast, it seems like the yard crew's efforts are just spitting in the wind. But as long as the check clears I guess you do what you got to do. Awaking up to my usual inadequacies that often haunt my mind about this time of the month. I kick myself for not being smarter or not thinking more about practical things. But as the icy cold wind blows across my back, I’m reminded that even the best of days often come with a price.
 
So I sit here watching the leaves on the sycamore tree and the fig plant blossom and get bigger by the day. Thinking that despite the bitter cold wind, they’re still growing. So one lesson I take from that is, criticism in itself isn’t such a bad thing. Just as long as you allow yourself to grow in its grace. By not giving in to the fear that can cripple you to inactivity.
 
So many times I know what the right thing is to do. But I find myself bound by the chains of self-doubt so tightly that I cannot seem to break free. Without the assistance of cognitive therapy, medication, and the practice of mindfulness. I seriously doubt I would be here today. But I’m not going to sit here and blow smoke up your ass and tell you “I am the way”. It takes work, hard continuous work to achieve my limited amount of balance. But like nature itself, there’s a certain perfection in imbalance. An awareness that keeps us on our toes. Keeping us on top of doing what we have to do.