Sixty

It’s funny, in about two and a half hours I’ll officially be 60 years old. Like I’ve said a million times before, I have a warranty that’s only good till I’m 60, after that it’s all gravy. It’s unfortunate my parents didn’t get to see this day. Tomorrow there won’t be a gag birthday card from my mother in the mail. No celebration or birthday cake, but I did get a nice gift from my nameless daughter.

You figured I’d be fast asleep by now, but a certain amount of anxiety has been on me for a week now. I guess it stems from my anxiety of reaching a goal. You see, over the years once I obtained a goal, like getting my degree or overcoming a health issue. Instead of feeling proud of my accomplishment, I’d start to feel let down. Almost like the trophy was tarnished before I even unpacked it. I supposed I’m thinking the same thing will happen in the morning when I get up.
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So I’ve pulled away from any kind of goal setting or even worrying about my day. I was a great planner, I have been commended and rewarded for my ability to plan for any contingency. But even with that skill the final outcome only made me unsatisfied and hollow. So I pulled away. I suppose whatever memories or emotions this particular landmark brings, should be left on it’s own. Focusing on the moment is a hard goal to achieve. Marked by bouts of regret and “what ifs”, it pulls me away from the goal of contentment. Hell, if you’ve figured any of this out drop me a note in the comments. I could use a little wisdom.