Slings & Arrows

Loneliness is a hard human condition. Leaving you with thoughts of isolation and abandonment. For the last several days I’ve been fighting off these feels of isolation and abandonment while fighting off physical symptoms of congestion, heat exhaustion, crippling headaches. My sleep at night is nearly non-existent and I just can’t seem to get comfortable. I hesitate to mention this to any doctor since I have two scheduled doctors appointments already this month.

Staying at my daughter’s house only compounds the problem since most of my “creature comforts” are at my home. Along with a feeling of isolation this current heat wave has drained me of all my energy. It’s hard to focus on which problem bothers me more. But in all honesty it’s the loneliness that has dominated my mind. I live in such isolation. Now in days, I don’t have any friends to call. The ones or one I do have has their own problems they’re submerged in. So I lean towards thoughts that it’s my own damn fault that I find myself without a relief value.
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I often wonder if this is the road that leads many to self-destruction. I’ve  played with these thoughts and symptoms more times than I care to count. And while I usually pull myself from this dark abyss. The moments I walk through it, relief seems a million miles away. So I sit here in my thinking chair, pinning thoughts most wouldn’t dare admit. But in a way that is the key to all this madness. To have the courage to say what you need to say. And to bravely bare yourself open to the slings and arrows of your own heart.