Usually my doctor’s visits are a mixed bag of good and bad. Last time I went to my GP she was concerned about my liver and how some of my medications maybe effecting it. Then she was concerned I was losing weight too fast. What my new doctor didn’t understand, until today is, you never tell someone with panic and health anxiety about the “what ifs”. So for the last three months my anxiety has been at a slow boil.
Slow and steady I’ve made a lot of progress health wise over the last four years. Plenty of irreversible damage has been done, but I’m determined not to give up without a fight. I suppose that’s the point I want to make. Even with all the shit I got going against me, I’m not quitting. But I seem to have the unfortunate pleasure of knowing a lot of people that just give up. To take the situation in front of them and say, “well that’s it”.
First I had to overcome a mental breakdown just to move. Then at 45 dissatisfied with the direction my life was going I went back to college. At 50 earned my bachelor’s degree and at 53 I finished my Master’s. Around that same time, I had my first heart attack. I could have easily given up. Through the highs and lows of my health journey I haven’t given up. Even today three months after having my fear got amped up. That same Doctor was happy to see my A1C go way down, I lost another 9lbs, and we had a long conversation about health anxiety. I was still given more tests and I still have cardiologist to see. But life is meant to be lived, not buried or to be felt sorry for. Just do your best, the rest will take care of itself.
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FD Thornton, Jr
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