Somewhere Between...

Sitting somewhere between dread and minor anticipation. My mind can’t help but fear the upcoming months of travel and appointments that await me. With my bride beginning a new round of testing upstate at the University Hospital. I not looking forward to the driving and expense of those multiple trips. I myself thought I would be finished for a while with doctor visits and physical therapy, but apparently I’m now booking appointments into June. There are a lot of “what ifs” at this point I could state right now. But regret only stirs broken emotions, if they are not forgiven.

So I sit out here letting the cool wind calm my mind of all the troubles heading my way. Concentrating instead on the spark of this near perfect December day. Observing the tumbling leaves and the distant call of Life marching by. While I’m a piss poor example of how to live an enlightened life. It’s through that imperfection that I can practice my faith. That in my own weird way I can see and understand how the chaos of this world scrambles my wiring.

But yet in my pursuit of peace of mind, I have discovered a path that leads me on. To many I’m a loud obnoxious asshole they’d just assume not be near. To others I’m a kind a loving friend. Whatever your option of me all I can do is the best I can in any given situation. So here I sit with the least amount of outside I have. Breathing quietly throwing away any grand schemes of greatness. Taking in my surroundings, hoping for the best, but prepping for the worst. I can’t help it, it’s in my nature. Coming to terms with your faults is a peaceful step towards enlightenment.