I have this strange ability to awaken in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. Scanning my body (which those of us with health anxiety often do), I sense no trouble other than my stopped up sinuses. I was dreaming of a kid from down the street that my little brother used to play. Who would probably be now 50 years old. Then I thought of an IG friend who like so many others I know just disappeared. But I still have the comfort of knowing that my loving bride of 36 years is next to me, snoring in my ear.
Rather it’s a blessing or a curse, I’m stuck with the thoughts of a dreamer. In a world that wishes nothing more from you than your daily burnt sacrifice. I know I’m pushing towards the dramatic here, but it’s 4:30 in the morning so deal with it. Still, I hate being uncomfortable. So rather it’s some twinge in my body or the discomfort of these silent walls. I am easily thrown off balance by the slightest thing. My bride more than most receives the brunt of my displeasures. But then again she has my envy when she sleeps soundly and I’m staring at this damn blue screen.
We all give a little to get a little, in this world that nature built. But as the enlightened ones we seem to have gummed up the works. Instead of making things easy for ourselves we love to complicate things with our thinking and never wait for the answer. We just do, do, do filling our houses with half-finished projects that do nothing but collect dust. Don’t worry because I’m the chiefest of sinners here, with a life full of incomplete potential. I guess the best thing we can do is be aware. Be aware of the clutter we are creating, and be aware of the relationships we let fall by the wayside. Maybe we’ll eventually wake up and create something we can actually be proud of…well goodnight.