Lately I would just try and go back to bed after waking up around 3:00 in the morning. But it’s 5:37am and after tossing and turning for a few hours what the hell is the point. As usual Lisa is soring away next to me, which speaks volumes about who’s living the better life. Despite my best efforts, moments of rest often escape my mind. Right now my heart is beating at an irregular beat. Which of course it could just be my exaggerated paranoia when it comes to physical issues.
But it’s a fight I have to fight nearly every day. A prism between the real and the imagined. Between the physical and mental world. You see for me, mental fear often manifest itself through physical reaction. Some may say I’m a hydrocondriac, but considering how strong my stresses are; the physical manifestations are quite real. Still within me there seems to be two strong, yet opposing forces. One that succumbs to the fear and one that is determined to overcome it.
I’m sure I could spend hours talking about this subject. And if you’ve spent anytime reading my work, then you know I already have. But I don’t believe these two opposing forces are at odds with each other or are even enemies. Instead they are just different ends of the same line. I believe we are instinctively designed with the survival instincts to either take a chance or pull back. But in some cases those instincts get out of balance. So we can fall hard on one side or the other. Which is pretty much what I’m doing right now.
In order to counter that I usually have to “talk myself down”. And I have learned that writing is my go to method for doing just that. By writing I am slowing down my frantic thought process and giving myself a chance to catch up and digest the emotions of the moment. I also quiet my mind by taking moments to just be. Call it mediation or call it prayer. But it’s in these moments where I just shutdown the thought process and observe. This for me is much harder to do than writing, but is just as important. Especially when trying to live a better life.
All post written by
FD Thornton, Jr
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