In a world obsessed with selling us a better life. I find myself blinded by the advertising. Believing that if I only had this or that, my life would be complete. Neglecting the fact that only being in the moment is the true path. So we worry about tomorrow, without seeing today. We worry about yesterday, without living in the now. Lost in a sea of useless information. We look for the next distraction to pull us from our pain.
I lay here this morning regretting past mistakes. Blaming myself without any chance for forgiveness. It’s a pattern I’ve repeated over and over. A vicious cycle of self-destruction and endless shame. That makes it hard to appreciate the victories that come my way. I try and stay engaged with the world around me. But often I feel like such a hypocrite, encouraging and cheering on others, while wallowing in a sea of my own self-pity.
I suppose I could revert back to my old MO of ignoring the problem. Sweeping the emotions into a corner, till the stench gets too strong. But my past is documented all too well as to how that method works. Good, bad, or ugly we have to face our situations. Accept them for what they are and move on. To stop looking at what the world calls the “gold standard” for happiness. For the things that make me happy aren’t necessarily what makes you happy. So please don’t look at me with envy, thinking I have all the answers. Let’s just appreciate the gifts we each bring and be grateful for the love we share.
I lay here this morning regretting past mistakes. Blaming myself without any chance for forgiveness. It’s a pattern I’ve repeated over and over. A vicious cycle of self-destruction and endless shame. That makes it hard to appreciate the victories that come my way. I try and stay engaged with the world around me. But often I feel like such a hypocrite, encouraging and cheering on others, while wallowing in a sea of my own self-pity.
I suppose I could revert back to my old MO of ignoring the problem. Sweeping the emotions into a corner, till the stench gets too strong. But my past is documented all too well as to how that method works. Good, bad, or ugly we have to face our situations. Accept them for what they are and move on. To stop looking at what the world calls the “gold standard” for happiness. For the things that make me happy aren’t necessarily what makes you happy. So please don’t look at me with envy, thinking I have all the answers. Let’s just appreciate the gifts we each bring and be grateful for the love we share.
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